LOVERS DON'T FINALLY MEET SOMEWHERE, THEY ARE IN EACH OTHER ALL ALONG--RUMI

Your pure and imperfect love embraces my brokenness. Your clouds drift in and out and all around me, within them I see your shades of light designed in such a way, that only I can notice.  I want to forever relish in these untainted moments of blissfulness . Lying awake at 4:00 A.M. just you and me in this dark room..a dim light from the outside lamp post softly lights up your face. I watch the clock, and watch you, hoping that time will stop moving. Another moment with you that I try to grasp on to before it slips away... feeling your breath, hearing your heart beat... perfect and sublime. My poetic eyes speak to you with enduring and steadfast emotions. I feel as if the universe and everything holy has brought us together, even if only for a brief time. 

Unmasked (A Memory of You)

Soft colorful illusions of you swirl around me like a tribal dance.  Your scent lingers on my clothing long after the moment is gone. My memory carefully plays back every word you've ever said to me, and the many ways you like to study me. Your enchanting eyes glow like the sun kissed sea. I'm drenched with unrelenting passion for you..there is no separation between us and all that is blissful.

Tangled in a web of hopefullnesss and denial.
Torn between loving you and letting you go, letting me go..I wonder if I should allow myself to be unmasked, and really have you see me..all of me..the vulnerable child in me, the strong woman that I want to be, the secret parts that I try to conceal. Should I let you see the girl who is completely and madly in love with you? Will you embrace my every flaw and all of the rawness in me? Will I ever surrender, or will I choose to let the fantasy of you remain? Once again..

A Poem by J. Medina

Beauty glides past my window, silky soft serene wisps of cloudy illusion that graces our spaces and is gone with nothing but the memory to sustain the hunger built for looking.. hoping for beauty to glide past my window again.

You and Me- (Date Unknown)

  You tell me you love me and that you always will. I'm in awe..after all, I waited so long to hear those three magical words spoken from your lips. I began to think I never would. I feel all tingly inside,  but then I think, you may love me now, but what about tomorrow?
We are fragile beings you and me- restless souls.  What happens when the newness of us no longer exists? What if the night summons you and takes you far away from me? Would you love me then? What do we do with these narrow spaces? I want to fill them until they're no longer there, but I don't know how.

What would happen if we grow apart and someone else is part of your dreams?  We've both been here before. I wonder if the fantasy of you and me is still where I want to be. I want to tell you that I love you too, but I feel numb. The music is fading in the background, and I feel fragments of myself lurking behind me. I need to pull it together. You look deeply into my eyes impatiently awaiting my answer, and I think to myself, what a beautiful mess you are!

FALLING- 2005

Raindrops dance simultaneously to the roaring rythm of my wounded heart-  I'm thanking the moon for it's wonderous night.
Burning blazes of sun melt my delicate skin, I'm praising the stars for shining their light.
Earth shattering surges of pleasure and pain stream through my broken veins,
I'm smiling at the sky and its divine right.

The universe uniting-everything and nothing all at once.
I struggle, and fight, and think of you.

Virginia Woolf's Beautiful Wisdom

This is straight from Virginia Woolf's diary . She is writing about her thoughts on aging and the soul. So eloquently stated.  A literary genius and remarkable spirit.

"Odder still how possessed I am with the feeling that now, aged 50, I’m just poised to shoot forth quite free straight and undeflected my bolts whatever they are. Therefore all this flitter flutter of weekly newspapers interests me not at all. These are the soul’s changes. I don’t believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one’s aspect to the sun. Hence my optimism. And to alter now, cleanly and sanely, I want to shuffle off this loose living randomness: people; reviews; fame; all the glittering scales; and be withdrawn, and concentrated."

But the soul slips in most of all when the body slips out. In an entry from December of 1934, 52-year-old Woolf recounts visiting a dying friend — the Bloomsbury writer, journalist, and film critic Francis Birrell, forty-five at the time — with her husband, Leonard:

"Talk with Francis yesterday. He is dying: but makes no bones about it. Only his expression is quite different. Has no hope. The man says he asks every hour how long will this go on, and hopes for the end. He was exactly as usual; no wandering, no incoherence… The soul deserves to be immortal, as L. said. We walked back, glad to be alive, numb somehow. I can’t use my imagination on that theme. What would it be like to lie there, expecting death? and how odd and strange a death. I write hurriedly, going to Angelica’s concert this fine soft day."

To Be or Not to Be - Happy

Happiness- A state of well being and contentment.

Happiness is one of the most cherished and most mysterious of all human desires, therefore it completely fascinates me. It's been discussed for at least two thousand years starting with Greek philosophers, spiritual gurus and modern day psychology.

When asked the age old question, what is happiness? There will be a variety of answers from many different folks, but most will say that something, or someone they're  "attached" to is the reason for their happiness. But is happiness a permanent state? If you consider your partner your source of happiness, what happens if, or when the relationship ends? Or if it's your job, or money that brings you happiness, what if you lose them? Will you still remain happy?

I don't believe that happiness is a permanent state. I believe it is made up of sparkling moments of bliss and joy. I'm leary  of those who claim to be happy ALL  the time...that just isn't right. I knew a guy years ago who was always happy and smiling, always! If I told him horrible news, he'd reply by suggesting we go dancing or take a walk in the rain. That sounds good in theory, but when bad stuff happens, and it DOES happen, I need to allow myself to feel the pain. I can not force a smile or an emotion. To me that is not natural. There are days when I find it impossible to feel good when I know that others are suffering. I won't even sleep well because I lay awake thinking about it.

Many psychologists say that one way to become happier is to cultivate positive emotions, but again, can we be positive at ALL times? Maybe some can, for me it's not that easy, although sometimes I try, but I absolutely can not pretend to be positive or happy if I'm simply not feeling it. Is it a choice? Perhaps, but sometimes I dont want to choose it and that's ok. Society often dictates that if you get married you will find happiness, and then came the birth of online dating, which personally, I've never done, but that's just me.  What about the endless commercials of one pill or other promising to make it all ok? Let's not forget how that fancy new car will change your life!
Beware of all the false happiness..I don't allow myself to buy into that.

I prefer to be passionate and excited about everything and anything, and experience the ups and downs, rather than always knowing what to expect and simply being content.
What makes me happy are the moments. Right now writing on this blog and sharing it with you. The soft warm blanket that is covering me while I'm laying on my cozy couch. The hot coffee that I have beside me. Other moments of happiness for me are being with those that I love, a sincere hug, a thoughtful kiss, a glass of red wine, music, a good book, good company, deep conversations,  poetry, a beautiful sunset, sweet memories, ah, so many things..so many moments. Today, right now I am happy, and right now is all I that I know...


I haven’t the slightest interest in being happy. I prefer to live life passionately, which is dangerous because you never know what might happen next.
Paulo Coelho