I sat at the bar feeling cool and confident. Although it had been some time, and there was a slight awkwardness at first, it felt good being there..it felt good to see him. After our initial exchange of pleasantries, I felt him watching me as he tried to grab bits of my conversations with others. I didn't want him to know that I'd become aware of his not so subtle stares. The truth is, I liked it..
I was watching him too, whenever I thought he wasn't looking. Watching him casually sway back and forth to the bar. When our eyes locked, I felt connected to him, just like I used to. I wondered if he had noticed? Did he feel it too? I had a calm, steady demeanor, unlike the love sick girl I was years ago, who was bursting with unapologetic emotions every other minute.
So many things I wanted to say, and needed to hear, although, I wasn't sure what exactly. What we shared was so long ago, at times it feels like yesterday. Where to begin? I wondered, were there lost opportunities along the way? Does he think about me? I think about him more than I'd like to..he often enters my dreams uninvited. It's been a long time... we are not strangers, but surely not friends, no longer lovers..why am I even here?
At moments I see the boy from the past smile at me, and I am right there again, right there when he so unexpectedly captured my heart without warning. I feel a slight butterfly twirl in my stomach, but its brief. Seconds later, I'm back in reality sitting on a stiff bar stool trying to know him again, and questioning every thought that emerges in my oh, so dizzy head!
No comments:
Post a Comment